How may I assist you?

Well, how do you like that...a new post! Believe it or not, this may actually become a recurring thing, but don't count on it too much. In the event that I do reach a semi-regular posting frequency, I feel obligated to warn you that that will most likely be a result of somewhat "polluting" the subject matter with posts that aren't as hard-coredly related to language as they have been. In any event...

Working at a Hotel, in the Guest Services/Front Desk department, I get my share of stupid guests. However, sometimes I get questions or have scenarios that surpass even my comprehension of human idiocy. Presented for your enjoyment below are a few of the various incidents that have made me both laugh and cry over the last several months. Sadly, they are all true (if a bit paraphrased due to the lapse in time that has taken place between their occurrence and my recording them).

Me: We have a complimentary breakfast from 6:30-9:30 tomorrow...
Guest: Is that AM or PM?

Me: [I say this a lot] We have a complimentary breakfast from 6:30-9:30 tomorrow...
Guest: And that's free, you say?
Me: It is a complimentary breakfast...
Guest: [Gets indignant, as if I'm trying to swindle him] Yes, I'm sure we'll compliment each other very nicely, but how much is it?

Guest: I'd like a wake up call, please.
Me: Certainly; what time can I set that up for you?
Guest: Um...[pauses for about 15-30 seconds] I'm not sure. I'll have to get back to you on that one.

Me: Guest services. This is Matt, how may I assist you?
Guest: Yes, how do I place a wake-up call?
Me: Oh, just call the front desk.
Guest: Okay, can you transfer me?
Me: Actually, this is the front desk, what time would you like that for?
Guest: 7AM. Say could you transfer me back to Guest Services; I had a few questions for them.

There are more, but I am tired. Perhaps I shall grace you with them at a later time.

Dead? Nope.

Greetings readers! This weblog is not dead, contrary to logical assumption. It's just that I'm going to school full time and I've got to put bread on the table (which, ironically, I do by putting bread on other people's tables for twenty-five hours a week). Also, in an attempt to better keep up with my sister, I've created a myspace account, which you all may and should view, if you wish to get to know the man behind the genius which is this weblog (you already know he's a pompous bastard - now find out the rest). Anyway, I'll try to post real soon, but if you don't see anything here for a while, by all means check over there! One or the other will invariably be updated, barring the somewhat unlikely event of my death or total paralyzation.

Word of the...last two months.

Yes, yes, it's been a while since the last post. But, more importantly, it's been even longer since the last Word of the Day. But worry not, dear reader; this is a word so phenomenal, so excellent, that it shall excuse the last sixty or so that were absent.
For those serious pedants out there (pedant being loosely defined as most of the people who didn't just have to dust off their dictionaries to find out what it means) it is possible that you may already know the word, and therefore not find it as interesting or fantastic as one who does not. I hope you will abstain from any complacent chortling at my expense over my choosing this word, and realize that to the rest of us it's pretty gosh darn neat.

1. Schadenfreude* - Pleasure or glee caused by another's suffering.

*Pronounced "SHAW-den-froy-duh"

Allow myself to introduce...myself

The majority of the last several posts have started out with some comment or another on my low posting frequency. Apparently this one is no different. I hope to increase the frequency in which I post to at least two times a week, but we'll see how that goes; my powers of commitment have never been exceptional. Anyhow, onward and forward to today's excellent topic.

Most "educated speakers" have a tendency to try to break monotony in their speech. Too many "nices" in a sentence? Well, then whatever you're talking about, regardless of it's quality, becomes "excellent" or "superb." Though this can impact the accuracy with which you express yourself, there is nothing intrinsically wrong about it. It is quite another thing, though, to break the monotony of pronouns. Pronouns have very specific uses, which are outlined in a multitude of grammar books. Despite this, however, many intellectuals inadvertently misuse pronouns in an attempt to sound better. The specific misuse to which I am referring is that of the reflexive pronoun. The reflexive pronouns (myself, yourself, etc.) have a very specific use; they accompany (as strange as this may seem) reflexive verbs. They are not, then, as many people would have them be, direct object pronouns, and they certainly aren't nominative pronouns. Therefore it is incorrect to say "George and myself would like to play a round of golf." Nor is it proper to say "Between you and myself, I would like to buy the red car."

I freely admit that even I myself have trouble with this at times, but by working together we can help to right this linguistic wrong.

Try and Correct This Title

Bringing an end to much anticipation, I'm sure, this blog is now officially off of it's unofficial, and unplanned hiatus. Having twenty animals in a house that needs fumigating can be a fairly potent time-waster. With that said, I will move on to the day's post.

I recently received a magazine in the mail with an add on the back of it for a videogame called "Resident Evil". The tagline for the game was proudly displayed in large letters; "Try and get out alive." Although I have always been aware of the construction "try and" (meaning simply "try") I had never seen it in print until reading it in the magazine. After seeing it in print I began to seriously question for the first time whether or not that construction was standard, or at the least, an acceptable idiom. Days of wondering eventually led onto actual research, which was tantamount to looking it up in Theodore M. Bernstein's indispensable work The Careful Writer. I was able to find an entry dealing with the "try and" construction, and my suspicions of nonstandardism were confirmed. To avoid accidental plagiarism, and in deference to Bernstein's superior writing skills, I will quote part of the passage below, in lieu of attempting to explain the concept myself.

"...[T]he careful writer will cling to try to as the proper construction in the overwhelming number of situations...It should be noted that whether the locution is try to or try and only one action is contemplated: When we say 'try and be good' we do not mean two separate things as the and would suggest; we do not mean try to be good and be good. Therefore the try and idiom is not parallel, as one authority declares, with 'go and find one' or with 'come and get it.' In these instances two actions, although closely related, are indeed contemplated...The point being made here is that the go and and come and idioms are standard and logical, whereas the try and idiom is substandard...and illogical." (The bolding is my own.)

Once again we see that if a construction sounds odd, juvenile, or substandard, it's probably all three.

The Little People

The faithful readers of this blog may have noticed that post frequency has slowed in recent weeks, and I would like to extend my sincerest apologies to all three of you. I recently got a job, and I must admit that it has put a quick end to most of my free time. However, whenever possible, I continue posting. You may be asking yourself why I spend some of my increasingly valuable free time updating this blog. I can only answer you thusly: the little people.

Some blogs have hundreds, even thousands of daily readers. I, on the other hand, have three guys who check in once in a while to see if anything's new. But believe it or not, I am happier with my three readers than I would be with hundreds or thousands, and I'll tell you why. The moods of the masses are easily moved; a sea of fans is treacherous and often torrential. One idiot says something and so say the rest of the sorry sorts. When writing for an audience of only three, however, the stakes are significantly smaller. Even a full scale revolt against your ideals would require nothing more than defending yourself from three people, as opposed to an unstoppable throng of thousands. Hence I am happy with everything as it is.

I will now take this opportunity to thank the three of you loyal readers individually (for you see, I have a very detailed invisible counter, which shows me who comes back and who does not). First, there is my good friend Shane who reads every post as soon as it comes out, making mention of many of my mechanical mistakes. Secondly, there is my fellow linguablogger (of the excellent blog Uneasy Rhetoric) who seems to read my blog once in a while, which I appreciate. And tertiarily - though certainly not third in order of importance - my unknown reader from Sunnyvale, who has been reading from almost the very beginning, and still doesn't appear to have left one comment (but worry not Sunnyvalite - your taciturnity is excused by your loyalty).

If I have forgotten to mention anyone, or there are more than the three people I mentioned above who read this blog on a semi-regular basis, please drop by and comment and let me know. Remember, if not for you, the little people, I would have given this up long ago.

WOTD, 8/19/05

argosy 1. Nautical. a. A large merchant ship. b. A fleet of ships. 2. A rich source or supply: an argosy of adventure and lore.*

*Definition courtesy of dicitonary.com. Unless otherwise noted, all future definitions will come from dictionary.com as it is much easier than consulting that behemoth of a reference I have on my desk.